This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
