A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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