Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
