i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
