he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
