fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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