We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
