Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
