Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
