lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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