Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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