ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
