Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
