You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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