it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
