i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
