I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
