when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
