I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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