My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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