well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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