At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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