My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
