my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
