if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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