Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
