If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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