Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
