So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
