I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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