Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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