Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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