You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
