I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
did i walk over a car last night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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