We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
