I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
