i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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