Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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