im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I puked a lego.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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