He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
