i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
