Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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