i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
