just tell him i said nine months
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
