I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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