Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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