This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
