My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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