the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Found your dick twin last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
