i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
