Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
