You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
3 2 1 whiskey
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
