Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
