i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
