Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
