That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
