If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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