Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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