dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
