Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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