Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
