well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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