i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
